


The Shipping War

by spicyginger911



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, It's just... One big shipping war, Joke Fic, albus dies, cause his ships were wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicyginger911/pseuds/spicyginger911
Summary: The order gets into a heated debate.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	The Shipping War

Dumbledore was sitting in his office, quietly studying some of his complaints he had received over the past few years. The past weeks one's had got more intense, he could read a detailed essay of complaints from Snape, a letter of argument from Minerva and one from Molly Weasley had sent that simply said, "SCREW YOU."

And to think all this had only started due to him stating his mind during order business.

Or, as everyone else knew it, the start of the shipping war.

"You can not possibly believe!" Molly Weasley's voice came through a howler a day after he'd made his preference of Harry / Hermione know. "That my daughter and Harry are not canon!"

Mollys voice got softer. "I love Hermione as if she were my own but her and Harry do not match!"

The facility of Hogwarts, after hearing his preferences came out with Strong ships of their own for the lovely golden trio. 

Snape attended his office earlier that day too, however Dumbledore could instantly see through his thin veiled excuse of needing to talk about teaching schedules. He could see his pro shipper attitude could through. He heard the name drop on Daphen Greengrass and the suggestion that Harry should instead get with a Slytherin. He didn't push it like Professor Sprout had, only milding suggesting the two together. 

It was the day after that bothered him the most. His fire lit up green as a dishevelled figure stepped into the office. 

"Dumbledore!" Sirius announced. Dumbledore already had a brief idea on what this confrontation would be about as him and Sirius had spent the last Order meeting debating ships, to the point of halting progress. Sirius wand glowed.

"I am making you admit right now that Harry and Tonks would be perfect for each other." Sirius held his wand up to Dumbledore however the elder didn't budge. He knew Sirius was his main competition as Harry listened to him almost as much as he listened to Dumbledore himself. 

"Harry and Hermione have perfect chemistry-" Dumbledore was cut off as a blast exited the room. 

Siruis had has wand out and now half of the room had exploded. Dumbledore handled this with a quiet solumness, more than was expected from the guy would just had half his office blown up. Of course, he could always fix it later, he was a wizard. 

"Harry and Hermione are the more logical couple. They are in the same grade, take the same classes, and are already friends. Tonks is more like an older sibling type to Harry I assume, and I doubt they know each other that well." 

"If" Siruis put emphasis on his if. "they knew each other better, I want you to admit they'd be a better couple than Harry and Hermione." Hsi wand was glowing again, and aimed straight for Dumbledore. The older man knew the Siruis would never purposely attack him, however he'd got a bit too caught up in this shipping war. 

Despite the threat, Dumbledore was stubborn. It would be funny if he died, not to Voldemort or stopping him, but to Sirius and a shipping war. 

The threat was, apparently, as see through as he hoped, as Siruis mumbled something that implied this would be brought up later and marched back to the fireplace. 

It wasn't the only hostile encounter he'd dealt with over the shipping war however, as a few days after he encountered... 

The Dark Lord himself. Standing in his office, as presentable as he could be. No backup from what Dumbledore could tell and didn't even seem to be attacking, just waiting patiently. 

He wanted something. Dumbledore wasted no time throwing what curses he could at Voldemort however he'd simply waved them off, surprisingly not firing back. 

"Albus, I am just here to talk." His voice was the most human Dumbledore had heard from him since, well, since he'd been back at school asking after the old defense against the dark arts position. Was this another job inquiry, while he was taking over the world? It seemed impossible and rather unlogical but Dumbledore's brain was wrapped on reasons the Dark Lord himself would be in his office and demand a talk. 

"Fine." He eventually settled at the desk, disgust and a sour expression on his face as he addressed the murderer of thousands. "What do you want." 

"I think you have failed to consider..." His voice had that drawled out tone, similar to Snapes but more breathy. Dumbledore braced himself at this. Clearly not as human as he'd thought then. "... the paring of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy... " 

"...What?" Dumbeldore hadn't even thought about the shipping war but Voldemort was sitting there, satisfied smirk on his face like he'd told Dumbledore the secrets of the universe. He continued into Dumbledore's gobsmacked silence. 

"... My follewers have heard about this... shipping war, and all have their own opinions. They are all wrong, and have failed to consider Draco and Harry, as I expect you have too. Or, have you been enlightened by this pairing, choosing to leave your... mudblood pairing and join my side."

Dumbledore steadied himself. Just enough so he could talk to the murderer before him demanding his ships be recognised. He had no idea Snape had leaked the shipping war to the death eater but it made sense, as that's what their last meetings had been about, with no discussions on plans or attacks. Voldemort was still waiting for an answer patiently, his mouth upturned in what might have once been a smile. 

"Draco and Harry are incompatible." Dumbledore finally spoke. He knew how to be stubborn, and even though letting go of this small ship would grant him more information than he knew what to do with, he was not known for giving up on things. 

Voldemort's mouth twitched again. "Very well." He was going to leave, but Dumbledore saw the slight gleam of green below his robes almost too late. 

"Shame." Dumbledore's body was cold on the ground, no blood no sign he might have been anymore than sleeping but Voldemort knew, as the one who had cast the famous Killing Curse on him. Albus Dumbledore was dead. And to think he could have survived and perhaps defeated Voldemort if he'd just given in to the true ship, the only ship in Voldemort's book. 

The shipping wars came to a close with Dumbledore's death. Nobody mentioned it, nobody spoke about it again. Although sometimes they'd still have bets in the staff room, but those were nowhere on the scale that the shipping war was. Voldemort's followers stopped voicing their opinions as they learnt quickly that would get them the same fate as Dumbledore.

And so the great shipping war was over as fast as it had began.


End file.
